Today is the first day I have felt anxious about my surgery, however, I'm not sure if it really is the surgery that has me all uptight or the fact I have been running around like the Energizer bunny the last few weeks and I'm just exhausted.
I can remember when I'd go on a 'real' vacation with my parents, the day before and the morning of, my father would pace the floor, be antsy and be very curt. I never knew why, we were going someplace fun and exciting, so why was he acting like this. Looking back, it seems to me he just wanted to get on the road and start the trip. He didn't like waiting around. The last year of my father's life, anytime he had to go for a blood transfusion or doctor appointment, we request he take an anxiety pill. A few days prior to him leaving for these trips, he would talk incessantly about making the trip from his bed to his wheelchair, his wheelchair to the handicap van (which drove like an old mule on a bumpy trail) and would then complain about the long wait he'd have in the waiting room until his name was called to see the doctor. He was anxious to go so he could get back to his bed and relax.
I've come to realize, I am my father's daughter. I have yet to figure if this trait is in the genes or it's a learned behavior. Anyway I look at it, my behavior models my fathers to a tee.
I have found, whenever our family goes on vacation, I have to make sure the house is all in order before we go. Beds need to be made, floors have to be vacuumed, all laundry has to be done; you get the picture I'm sure. My husband is very good at packing up the car with the boys, so all the while they are loading up, I'm scurrying around the house making sure everything is in it's place. Heaven forbid someone breaks into the house while we're gone and they can't find what they are looking for! I wouldn't want to inconvenience them, and the thought of them making a mess, looking for whatever they might want, is not even a consideration!
So, because I am a very fastidious person, I drive my family right up the wall. I turn from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde, or even worse, Martha Stewart on her worst day. This always happens before a trip or a major function. It's a trait I cannot control.
Since I'll be sporting crutches for 6 weeks, I have to make sure the downstairs bedroom is in order for me. I'm not the type to just sit and watch television, I like to be productive. I do like to have Food TV on in the background, to keep me company while I craft. My counted cross stitch thread and patterns are in order and waiting for me. A drawer holding recipes of all kinds have been emptied into a big pile looking for attention. Hundreds of photos, from our trip to Maine this summer, are waiting to be housed in photo albums. Hand-me-down magazines need to be read and journaling is a top priority for many scrapbook pages.
I've also prepared as many meals as I can to make it easier for my family when dinner time rolls around. Each entree sits patiently in the freezer, waiting to make it's debut after I return home. I've stocked up on many other things but won't bore you with the details. I like to think I've done this to make things easier for my family, but who am I kidding, I've done all of this for me. The smoother things go, the more rest I'll get and the faster I'll recuperate.
On Wednesday, October 19, I leave for Ohio. My pre-op is Thursday and surgery is Friday, October 21. Starting today, I'll be following in my father's footsteps by pacing the floor and being antsy. Waiting is the worst part and I'm trying my best not to be curt, impatient or agitated towards the ones I love. I just want to get on the road and start this trip, but I have three days to go. Until then, I know my Bible gives me peace of mind, so I have once again fallen into the pages of stories and lessons I can put to good use. I know by doing this, I will be able to hide Mr. Hyde from my family and everyone will come out of this encounter unscathed.